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2012 Academy Awards Frontrunner For 2013 Academy Awards Awards

HOLLYWOOD – Excitement is building in Tinseltown as leading figures...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Student Speed Dating ‘Just For Fun’ Definitely Not Looking For Soulmate

Friends and family members of LSA junior Malcolm Astin are growing...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Reading Sent Email Proves Absolutely Horrifying Experience For Area Student

HONORS COMMONS – Sources confirmed Wednesday that LSA sophomore...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Local Entrepreneur Just Some Guy With Shitty Ideas

MPOWERED MEETING – Sources close to Ross School of Business junior...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Dining Hall Employee Fucking Thrilled To Serve You

HILL DINING CENTER – Sources confirmed recently that part-time...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Neighbor Thought To Be Having Awesome Sex Actually Just Into Loud Porn

6TH FLOOR, SOUTH QUAD – Sophomore Ted Layden came to the startling...

  • Feb 2, 2013

South Quad RAs Declare Sparsely-Attended Social Justice Dance Party ‘Total Blast’

90% EMPTY ROOM – As a prelude to February’s annual celebration of...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Ray Lewis Announces Retirement, Vows Never To Murder Another Human Being Again

BALTIMORE – Ray Lewis, the All-American cold-blooded killer who was...

  • Feb 2, 2013

International Community Softly Knocks On Syria’s Door And Asks ‘Everything All Right In There?’

SUBSIDIZED HOUSING, MIDDLE EAST SIDE – In response to loud banging...

  • Feb 2, 2013

‘Jews In The Modern World’ Guest Lecturer Unexpectedly Replaced With Giant Mirror

DEPARTMENT OF JUDAIC STUDIES – Sources confirmed Tuesday that Ronit...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Netanyahu Peer-Pressures Obama Into Prank-Calling, Bombing Iran

According to government insiders, the Obama administration’s...

  • Feb 2, 2013

Everything Is A Phallic Symbol

Wake up, sheeple. I should hope that at this point everyone realizes...

  • Feb 2, 2013
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