BURSLEY HALL – Freshman Lance Anders, a vocal-performance major from Piscataway, N.J., excitedly announced last Friday that he has been cast as “Unbearable Roommate Number 1” following a grueling audition process. The selection was made by the other inhabitant of Anders’ dorm room, LSA freshman Tom Primack, after Anders’ stellar rendition of “The Words From Fifty Shades of Grey to the Tune of ‘Hey Soul Sister’ by Train While Tom Tries to Sleep.” Sources close to the roommates allege that the audition took place last Wednesday sometime between 3 and 4 a.m.
When interviewed, Anders was close to tears. “Words can’t describe how happy I am,” he said. “I feel like I’ve been working towards this moment ever since I was a toddler, screaming my lungs out for no reason in particular.”
The young artist admitted that his work is far from over, as he now has a number of performances throughout the semester for which he must rigorously prepare.
“Well, let’s see. Tom’s got a really big econ test coming up at the end of next week,” Anders said, “which means I’m going to have to perform “‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ While Using Tom’s Toenail Clippers to Trim My Nipple Hair” during his last-minute cram session on Thursday. I’m gonna need to practice a lot for that one.”
Anders says that the most difficult aspect of his role is the fact that he must perform every single piece a cappella, a style he has had little formal experience with after being blacklisted by every collegiate a cappella group on campus last term.
“During my debut performance last night, I was scripted to sing “All the Falsetto Parts from ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ Over and Over Again while Tom Is Getting Laid.” At first, it felt really weird singing it without accompanying instruments, but luckily the girl Tom had brought home was able to harmonize with me,” Anders recounted.
Originally published: February 2013