We here at the E3W typically don’t accept unsolicited submissions, but we do make an exception for the theocratic heads of state who may or may not have imprisoned two of our writers. We hope you enjoy this short article, which was written by the Grand Ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of Iran and budding satirist Sayid Ali Khamenei, and edited by the E3W.
I’m sick and tired of this Shiite. The Saddamites in the US and Israel won’t stop Persiantagonizing Iran’s nuclear ambitions. These Obamaniacs and Netanyahuman-rights-abusers continue to Jerusalembellish our weapons program and Scheherazadeny the Islamic Republic’s right to defend itself. I am especially Allahrmed by how they all are too Ahmadinejaded to Qom to the bargaining table, even if we let a neutral third party Mohammediate our talks. Jew’d think this would be a Tabriz, but it seems everyone here Islambivilant towards our wants and needs. This Zionisn’t the way to conduct diplomacy. All I fatwant is for the West to acknowledge the Islamic Republic’s national sovereignty and stop Meccattacking our economy, but this is a bridge too Farsi. If they refuse to minaretract their sanctions and negotiate for peace, our country burkan’t have any choice but to continue enriching Iranium.
Originally published: March 2013