After declaring themselves best friends during a whirlwind three day stint in Ann Arbor, incoming freshmen and orientation roommates Heather Caldwell and Caroline McCormack reportedly look forward to being best friends for all four years of their undergraduate careers, despite the fact that their friendship will exist only online.
“I felt a connection with Heather right away; we just have so much in common! We’re both going to be freshmen, we’re both undeclared, and we both love the Beatles. I felt like I was just meant to meet her,” says McCormack, who will be lucky if Caldwell gives her so much as a ‘Like’ on one of her statuses.
“And when I heard that her favorite food was pizza, I got the chills. It’s like we’re the same person or something. When life keeps throwing you signs like that, you don’t ignore them,” McCormack continued.
“We added each other on Facebook, and we’re planning on getting coffee as soon as we move into our dorms,” said Caldwell, who will in fact forget all about McCormack as soon as she meets a group of friends that she fits in with.
“We’re probably going to hang out like every day,” Caldwell continued, neglecting to mention that the closest she will come to following through with these plans is dismissively responding ‘Maybe’ to McCormack’s Facebook event ‘Freshman Hang-Out Sesh!’
Despite likely never seeing each other again except for a few forced conversations after making eye contact in the Diag, sources speculate that the Caldwell/ McCormack Facebook friendship will remain intact, if only because each party does not want to take the effort to sort through their friends list. The friendship is expected to peak when Caldwell accidentally gifts McCormack a Starbucks gift card at the suggestion of Facebook when trying to write Happy Birthday on her wall.
At press time, Caldwell was staring impassively at an unread message from McCormack that had been sitting in her inbox for about a week.
Originally Published: June 2013