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‘The Freshman Roommate Experience Is Essential,’ Report People Who Like Sleeping Next To Complete Strangers

In a written statement released Monday afternoon, the American...

  • Sep 11, 2013

Campus Boyfriends Grudgingly Admit Pitch Perfect ‘Not That Bad’

NORTH QUAD—LSA Sophomore Alex Locher’s worst fears came to a...

  • Sep 11, 2013

Local Freshman Will Rail Exactly 152 Girls By Senior Year, Probably

ANN ARBOR—Incoming freshman Ryan “Spy Guy” Parks will...

  • Sep 11, 2013

University Hires German Company To Über-Optimize Campus Infrastructure

In an effort to eliminate congestion and reduce student at-fault...

  • Sep 11, 2013

Poor Grade In Irrelevant Class Dooms Student To Life Of Mediocrity

A computer-generated image of McCafferty in two years time. ANN...

  • Sep 11, 2013

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