To Whom It May Concern: Based on your interest in “Hardworking Associates Who Are Willing To Work For Ridiculously Low Salaries,” we’d like to recommend Bradley Gerst for a position at your company.
We know him better than anyone else in his life, and so can give the strongest possible recommendation for any venture he may undertake.
Mr. Gerst has been an asset to our development over the past five years, logging over 4,500 total hours on Netflix. We have grown to know him and his tastes and truly feel that our relationship goes far beyond a professional one. When we initiated our live-streaming operations, he was one of our first backers, giving a full measure of support that has never wavered. Mr. Gerst has also helped tremendously with our expansion into international markets, by watching Love, Actually with his Canadian girlfriend from her home in Toronto and then watching it four times in a row again after their breakup.
Over the years, Mr. Gerst has matured considerably. When his power went out, he watched seasons 1-3 of Archer online in a 34- hour span using his phone’s data plan instead of simply panicking because his WiFi was down, proving himself to be extremely resourceful. He is more of a “Critically Acclaimed Short Films” man now; far removed from the “Raunchy Comedy” lover he was when we first began working together. Yet, although his tastes have matured, he is still eager to learn, studying the female body often through such films as Slumber Party Pillow Fight and MILFS XXX.
Based on his interest in The Office and Parks and Recreation, I can recommend him strongly for a “Witty Workplace Sitcom” probably very similar to that of your company. As demonstrated by his frequent adding of National Geographic documentaries to his Instant Queue, which we are sure he will get around to watching any day now, Bradley Gerst is an intellectually curious man, one who will find your team’s atmosphere to be mutually beneficial.
We hope you find Bradley to be extremely qualified to become a Sandwich Artist on your local Subway team, and that this recommendation has served to support a hopefully already favorable view provided by his application. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us by phone at 1-800-NETFLIX.
The Netflix team.
Originally published: Oct 2013