RAVE CINEMAS – As of this moment, I, Sir Isaac Newton, am being led by several representatives of something called “The Warner Brother Picture Company”, into some sort of dark theatre.
Oh my, if these are not the most comfortable chairs that I have had the pleasure to sit upon. I am told that the presentation will begin soon. The lights are dimming. How do these Warner Brothers expect us to view a scientific presentation on the nature of gravity if the lights…
What is this?!? A strange solar beam has emerged from the rear of the room. WHAT DEVIL MAGIC HAVE YOU BROUGHT UPON US, YE BROTHERS WARNER?!?
Upon the screen, a picture appears… yet it moves! It is as if some enchantress has bewitched a painting beyond its enternal slumber. CALM YOURSELF PAINTING, FOR SERENITY MAY ONLY BE RESTORED WHEN ALL ARE RID OF YOUR SIGHT.
But hark! A booming voice, as if from the mouth of God himself commands the attention of the room! The other attendants seem unperturbed, most likely already hypnotized by whatever demon now commands our senses.
CEASE THIS INHUMANE MOCKERY DEMON! I, SIR ISSAC NEWTON, COMMANDER OF LOGIC AND SCIENCE, DO PROTEST TO THIS TRICKERY. What’s this? The voice has stopped. Now plain English text fills the screen, warning me of “coarse language and violence” ahead. What games do you wish… AND IT’S BACK AGAIN!
BY ALL GOOD AND HOLY IN THE UNIVERSE, WHAT IS THAT DEAFENING ROAR? THIS DEVILISH ORCHESTRATION? INIQUITOUS HELLBEING.
I lay here now, immersed in my insanity, floating through the heavens , surely perished from whatever ailment took hold of my body and soul. What trickery have you unleashed upon these people, Brothers Warner? Why do you insist on promising science but delivering only pain!
What is this? The lights have come on. WE ARE ALIVE! I will follow the others out of this evil sanctuary.
Originally published October 2013