GSI’s Ability to Advance Science Hindered by Inability to Speak English

Sources report that chemistry GSI Stacy’s unparalleled ability to perform research, contextualize data, and advance chemical engineering is seriously hindered by her inability to speak conversational English.

The 24-year-old Stacy, with an unpronounceable first and last name, who excelled at science from a young age, achieved perfect scores on her country’s college entrance exam, and enrolled at the University of Michigan in order to avail herself of American scientific resources, has struggled to communicate her brilliance with her class of twenty undergraduates.

“I guess she’s smart, cause she’s a Chem-E grad student and all,” said sophomore Eric King. “But I have no clue what she’s saying. I don’t want

to seem racist by asking her to repeat herself, though.”

“I just pass class time by going on Buzzfeed and then teach myself the content later off the professor’s lecture slides,” claimed junior Alexandra Taylor. “Stacy seems nice, but I’d definitely be better off napping right now.”

Sources report that Park recently made great bounds in her research on cancer fighting compounds, but the scientific community will not be fully aware of these findings until she runs them through Google Translate.

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