Point: Great for Late Nights
I’m a hard worker. I like to get stuff done and usually leave the UGLi around one or two in the morning. Nothing helps me get through those early morning hours more than Ask-a-Librarian. Seriously you guys, the site is incredible. Sometimes I really just need some help and can’t turn anywhere else. And whenever I am stressed out, I turn right to the chat feature. Be sure to ask for librarian number twelve specifically, she’s the best. I think her name is Amy in real life.
Honestly, sometimes I’ll be on Ask-a-Librarian for an hour or so. They’re there 24-7. It’s such a comfort to know that Amy waiting to help me out whenever I so desire. Sometimes she doesn’t answer right away, but just give her time. Understandably, a lot of students are taking advantage of this great library resource.
And even if Amy isn’t the one helping you, most other librarians are pretty good.
Counterpoint: Steven, You Need to Stop Using this Online Feature for Cybersex
Look, Steven. As librarians, we help a large number of students with a wide range of issues—be it research help, citation guidance, or book requests. Satisfying the cravings of a sexually frustrated underclassman, however unfortunately for you, is not one of them.
I would no longer like to hear about you would like to “leaf through the pages of my book” or “check out in the rear”. I do not, in fact, know “what you mean” but if your sexual expertise is as raw as your innuendo, I can refer you to shelves 3 and 7b, for human physiology and creative writing respectively.
I’m sorry that Ellen broke up with you in August. I really am. I’ve tried to be very empathetic and write you back whenever you feel the need to talk. Although Aska-Librarian was specifically intended for library purposes only, I felt as though you needed someone to talk to. That’s it. Talking. Please refrain from sending me anymore winky emoticons and misspelling your words as if you have been drinking alcohol. I would highly doubt that because, according to your chat status, you’ve been here online for the past three hours.
Originally published: Nov 2013