Fashion-Conscious Black Hole Rips Apart Last Season’s Fabric of Reality

According to a new report issued by the International Astronomical Union, a trendy black hole has been spotted tearing the outdated fabric of reality into a more modern unknown dimension.

“The Steinhardt-Turok model is so 2013,” remarked renowned astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. “Quarks and leptons may have been in style for a while but now dark energy is the in thing. I’ll bet that black hole is the envy of all its friends.”

Said physicist Stephen Hawking, “this black hole really has an eye for new trends that are just coming over the event horizon. And clearly it isn’t bowing to other celestial bodies’ opinions. Your average star isn’t going to appreciate the understated style of a higher dimension; they’re all bright colors all the time.”

Based on images collected from the Gunn space telescope, the black hole has already made its own customizations to a 10,000 cubic lightyear area of space by sucking in all matter and light, a technique Hawking describes as “fresh and innovative. This black hole really plays by its own rules; not even the laws of physics are going to stifle its creativity.”

Originally published Feb. 2014

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