What’s cracking, you crazy kidz? I know what you’re thinking, who’s this old governor guy, and what’s he doing writing editorials in the newspaper? Heck, what’s a newspaper?! Amiright?!
Srsly tho, I’ve got #election2014 coming up this year, and I wanted to be sure that all you ladies and germs in college know that you can come out and vote so long as you’re over 18.
But why should you vote for me? Not only am I a UofM alum (#goblue #HAIL #denardforheisman), but I’m also the illest, chillest, signing-billest governor in the history of the state, yo!
What have I done? Let’s start with #motown. I used my business background (it’s all about the Benjamins, baby) to realize that the big D was srsly short on Benjamins. So I took action and appointed a #emergencymanager who declared #bankruptcy, so now the city can undergo a #structureddefault on its pension liabilities and some day get back to being #nottheworstplaceinamerica!
Okay, okay, but I bet you’re wondering: “yeah, yeah Tricky Ricky, but what can you do for me?” Only give you a Right to Twerk, yo! Since I signed the bill last year, buzz-killing unions can’t prevent you from twerking your keester off in whatever industry you want!
What will I do in my second term? Who knows, maybe continue simplifying the tax code and incentivizing investment in our manufacturing industry… Or maybe I’ll make ice cream free for everyone! #YOLO.
So get on the World Wide Web, Tweet at all your Myspace buddies about #snyder2014, and come vote in November!
Governor Rick “the Stick” Snyder
Originally Published Mar 2014