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Sorority Girls Disappointed After House Puppy Becomes House Dog

According to sources within the house, the sisters of Michigan’s...

  • Apr 20, 2014

General Motors CEO, Commencement Speaker Barra Announces Recall Of Graduating Seniors

Just weeks before she is scheduled to deliver the commencement...

  • Apr 20, 2014

Mitch McGary Still Deciding Between Millions Of Dollars, Being Further Exploited

A few days following the announcement that both Nik Stauskas and...

  • Apr 20, 2014

Mary Sue Coleman To Deliver Commencement Speech Celebrating University’s ‘OK-ness’

According to a recently released transcript of the speech to be...

  • Apr 20, 2014

Student Starting Unpaid Internship That Will Prepare Him For Career In Unpaid Debt

AN INCREASINGLY DIM FUTURE—With graduation fast approaching, LSA...

  • Apr 20, 2014

Freshman Hopes To Attract Mate By Displaying Impressive Collection Of Craft Brewery Stickers On Laptop

SECOND FLOOR OF THE UGLI—In an effort to attract the “right kind...

  • Apr 20, 2014

Student Desperate To Sublease Apartment For Summer Completely Willing To Overlook Any Prospective Subletter’s Total Insanity

Sources report that Engineering sophomore Lindsay Harper, who is...

  • Apr 20, 2014

UM-Divest Causes CSG To Freeze Under The Pressure Of Not Being Completely Useless

The University’s Central Student Government shat their collective...

  • Apr 20, 2014

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