Friends of LSA Junior Mott Riley, who hosted his “Mid-Lent Banger” last Saturday, breathed a collective sigh of relief after realizing that Riley would be spared from the legal consequences that follow providing alcohol to minors, thanks to well-placed signs throughout his house that declared “No booze unless you are ≥21,” and “18 to party, 21 to drink.”
“Having a party is always a risky situation,” Riley admitted. “Especially when there are minors involved. But so many of my friends still aren’t 21 and I had to invite them. I just thank almighty God that I had the prudence, foresight, and construction paper and markers to create a legal sanctuary in my home.”
Police were first called to the aforementioned “Banger” around 1:27 AM, when neighbors complained of a noise violation. After entering the house and demanding to speak to the owner, police found Riley crouched behind the couch who reluctantly admitted he had, in fact, bought and served alcohol to underage attendees of the party.
Witnesses report that Officer Rod Doyle had begun to handcuff Riley and read him his Miranda Rights when his coworker, Officer Glen Brooks, noticed one of Riley’s signs and exclaimed, “Oh rats, Chief! No way we can book him now!”
Doyle reportedly sighed, removed the handcuffs from Riley’s wrists, and gave him a really nasty look before leaving the house, saying “Come on, boys. Let’s face it; he outwitted us.” Doyle and his colleagues then proceeded to stand outside Riley’s window while the party resumed and underage students continued to drink, as the police force shook their fists at them in frustration at having been foiled.
“I can’t believe how lucky I was,” Riley admitted. “Just one misplaced pen stroke and I could have faced serious legal consequences. This will definitely make me think twice about giving booze to people under 21, at least until next Sunday when my roommates and I host our ‘End of Lent’ party.”
At press time, Riley was posting “No injuries, please” signs around his basement as he prepared to host an illegal fight club.
Originally published Apr 2014.