FAA To Review Regulations Regarding Crashing Planes Directly into Ocean

In light of the recent disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight 370, FAA officials are reviewing the rules and regulations surrounding the freedom of airline pilots to alter communications equipment, change altitude, and crash planes full of passengers directly into the ocean.

“While the investigation is still underway, it is never too early to learn lessons from the tragedy of Flight 370,” announced FAA Safety Oversight Commissioner George Martinez. “We have begun to suspect that allowing pilots to fly their planes at full speed into the ocean can result in a number of safety concerns, and are putting together a committee to investigate such matters.”

The agency has yet to announce any names of potential industry experts to fill the committee, but an anonymous source within the agency says that they have been in talks with retired hero Captain Sully Sullenberger, an outspoken advocate for bringing planes down on bodies of water.

“Considering my past experiences with aquatic landings, I understand how some may think I’ll be biased as Chair of the committee,” Sullenburger replied when asked to comment on the rumors. “But it’s important to remember that I landed on a river, which is a totally different ballgame.”

In congress with the announcement, the FAA has released an informational video explaining the intricacies of air travel and the potential hazards. In an excerpt obtained by the Every Three Weekly, an FAA official can be seen explaining to citizens that while runways are paved strips of land specifically engineered for planes to land upon, an ocean is vast body of saltwater whose prospects for a safe landing are questionable at best.

Originally published Apr 2014.

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