According to sources within the dog community, Scrappy, the canine companion to local homeless man Ralph Johnson, has begun to wonder when, if ever, this walk is going to end.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my owner,” barked Scrappy of his human companion Ralph, “But this walk is going on six years now, and I’m starting to wonder if we’ll ever go home.”
Records indicate that Johnson first took Scrappy on this particular walk in October of 2008 when Johnson lost his home in the subprime mortgage crisis. Since that time, Scrappy his chased after 846 unique squirrels, taken 4,167 shits, and used urine to mark his territory on 7,356 vertical objects.
“I just feel like I’ve achieved all I’ve set out to on this walk,” Scrappy ruffed, “I mean, walks are great and all, but this thing has gone on over half my life. Dogs my size only got twelve good years in ‘em, and I was almost four when we left.”
Other neighborhood dogs have become jealous of Scrappy, who they see sitting on the park bench with Johnson, without fail, on every one of their daily walks.
“No one gets to spend as much time outside as Scrappy does,” growled local Labrador Max. “When it’s cold outside, my owner only walks me for 15 minutes at a time. Sometimes I watch out my window and see Scrappy sitting on that park bench for hours.”
“I’ve never been much of a complainer,” Scrappy concluded, “I just miss my chew toy.”
Sources have reported that Scrappy’s favorite chew toy was one of the many items Johnson had sold on e-Bay to keep him and Scrappy solvent in early 2009.
Originally published April 2014