Domino’s Pizza Unveils New Meat Lovers’ Salad

Citing consumer interest in healthier options at dinnertime, Domino’s Pizza has unveiled a new “Meat Lovers’ Salad,” which will be available nationwide next month.

“We wanted to make sure our customers could make healthy choices,” said Max Roeske, VP of Marketing at Domino’s. “Pizza is great, but sometimes you just wanna dig into to a juicy, savory salad.”

The new entrée, marketed as the first ever 8-meat salad, consists of bacon, beef, pulled pork, salami, ham, turkey, fried chicken, and “mystery meat.” The salad also comes with an option of barbeque or mayonnaise dressing.

The dish is also notable because it lacks lettuce, which is uncommon for any item designated as a salad, said Domino’s Head Chef Hans Brieden.

“At first we wanted to add lettuce as a garnish, but people kept just picking it off,” said Brieden. “A fruit salad has fruit, and a tuna salad has tuna, so why should a meat salad have to have lettuce?”

“So we figured, ‘why not just throw in a fuckton of meat and be done with it?’” the chef added.

The FDA-designated Grade D meat product has been tested in a variety of sample markets across the country. Most store managers, such as Flint’s Kyle Carson, have been pleasantly surprised with the product.

“I thought nobody would go to a pizza store to buy health food, but this meat salad is one of the best sellers I’ve had in a while” said Carson.

Customers have responded overwhelmingly in support of the Meat Lovers’ Salad. A customer in Fort Worth, TX said, “my doctor said I should be eating more salad to lower my cholesterol, and this pile of meaty goodness outta really do the trick.”

At press time, Little Caesar’s is developing a Hot-N-Ready Meat Lovers’ Salad, which will be, as one spokesperson put it, “god-fucking- awful.”

Originally Published September, 2014

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