Sophomore’s Standards For Attraction Lowered For Only Male Professor

Noting his breadth of knowledge in the field and the fact that he is the only stable adult male with whom she interacts on a regular basis, sophomore Molly Minar admitted that despite her new linguistics professor’s total lack of traditional good looks, she finds him, “kinda hot actually.”

Despite his male-pattern baldness and notable gut, the professor in question Dr. Allen Kensler has caught Minar’s eye due to what she can only assume is desperation. “I have three female professors this semester and I am desperate for some eye candy. Professor Kensler is super old, but he’s tan and pretty funny during lecture. It works for me.”

While Minar seems blind to Kensler’s unibrow and the fact that he has to audibly grunt when he

gets out of his chair, her friends are supportive, but much less oblivious. “Obviously I thought Molly was kidding when she told me she thought Professor Kensler was cute,” said friend and classmate Allison Adams. “He’s bald and has weird shoulders, but I see where she’s coming from. None of my friends understand my love of William H. Macy, so I get it.”

Minar admits that if she were to see Dr. Kensler’s pudgy, hunched-over body on the street, it is unlikely she would take notice of him. “I have to sit here all semester and look at this guy. I’ve got to convince myself he’s at least slightly charming if I want any chance of staying awake during class,” said Minar. “On a regular scale he’s like a 4 but as professors go he’s easily an 8.”

Originally Published September 2014

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