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Michelle Obama Wears String of Amputated Fingers Around Neck as Warning to Nation’s Obese Youth

Calling her “Let’s Move!” campaign an...

  • Oct 18, 2014

There’s Nothing Like The Sensation Of Having 1,000 Young People Inside You At The Same Time

I know you’ve heard of me. And I bet you’re wondering how I do...

  • Oct 18, 2014

‘Hoke’ Rhymes With ‘Joke.’ It Also Rhymes with ‘Choke.’ What Can We Do Here, Boys?

  Okay, boys. So, the Michigan football team isn’t doing so...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Grandma, Grandpa Agree: Should Have Just Split Entree at Romano’s Macaroni Grill

While out for dinner last Thursday, local grandparents Richard and...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Around the Nation, October 2014

  • Oct 18, 2014

Quentin Tarantino: I Won’t Start Production on My Next Movie Until at Least Ten Women Send Me Pictures of Their Feet

When the script for The Hateful Eight was leaked and I decided to...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Area Couple Passionately Conceives In Vitro Fetus

THE LOCAL SPERM BANK— Despite their inability to have a child...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Nation’s Poop-Shy Call for Noisier Bathrooms

THE NEXT STALL OVER—Calling the level of ambient noise in the...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Dr. Pepper Loses Medical License After Giving Millions of Patients Diabetes

Amid the largest and tastiest medical scandal in American beverage...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Obama Named Worst President Since Bush

President Barack Obama was named the worst Leader of the Free World...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Independent Space Agencies Vow to Establish Life, Poverty, Suffering on Mars by 2030

Elon Musk, billionaire and founder of SpaceX, has announced plans to...

  • Oct 18, 2014

Nation’s Sickos Add Finishing Touches to This Year’s Halloween Candy Poison

With a quick spritz of hemlock and a generous dash of cyanide,...

  • Oct 18, 2014
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