Let’s Be Honest, This is What Our Favorite Emojis Really Mean

Whether it’s just to relay a quick ‘lol,’ or perhaps to express some more significant, possibly urgent message, Emojis are basically a new and vital medium of human communication. But––let’s be honest here––no one really uses them just to say “Here is an eggplant” or “Check out this cartoon turd with a face on it.” The language of Emojis is much richer than that.

Here’s our ‘translations’ of some of the most oft-used Emojis. Enjoy!

 

160x160x6-winking-face.png.pagespeed.ic.6VVKJlPHTB

What they call it: “Winking Face”

What it really means:

Hey Stephen! Great job with the math minutes this week. Quadratics can be tough! Anyway, glad I got your number. Not always on school email after hours.

 


 

160x160x8-face-throwing-a-kiss.png.pagespeed.ic.kp82I-Xw_m

What they call it: “Face Throwing A Kiss”

What it really means:

I usually leave around 5:30pm to avoid the rush on Adams Ave. I can’t pick you up at the school parking lot because someone might see us and then we’re both fucked. How about I pick you up at the corner of Maple & Kingston?

 


 

160x160x27-face-with-open-mouth-and-cold-sweat.png.pagespeed.ic.PJXCVVRqL3What they call it: “Face With Open Mouth and Cold Sweat”

What it really means: Listen, I don’t know if I can do this again. I know: you’re hot, I’m hot, why not… but this is a federal crime you’re talking about. I could get four to eight years for just unzipping your fly, let alone riding your sex for hours like I did last night…


 

What they call it: “Running Left”160x160x126-runner.png.pagespeed.ic.YqgkdtPDpD

What it really means:

Meet me in 15 min. 4th floor D-Wing stairwell. No cameras. You won’t regret it.


 

160x160x152-high-heeled-shoe.png.pagespeed.ic.s-VYRvbYPRWhat they call it: “Women’s Shoe”

What it really means:

Hey hot stuff, you know what time it is? That’s right, it Mrs. Bradley’s prep period! We all know how much my little stevie-boy loooves prep period…


160x160x35-pouting-face.png.pagespeed.ic.MfOX-yEZxgWhat they call it: “Pouting Face”

What it really means:

Stephen––why the fuck is my 4th period class looking at me like I have three heads?? Who did you tell and more importantly WHY??


 

160x160xdouble-exclamation-mark.png.pagespeed.ic.2uLMlHK2fYWhat they call it: “Double Exclamation Mark Ornament”

What it really means:

Delete. Every. Single. Text. NOW.


 

160x160xblack-question-mark-ornament.png.pagespeed.ic.d81VXVzURpWhat they call it: “Question Mark Ornament”

What it really means:

Sorry––whose number is this? I don’t recognize the name “Stephen.”


 

heavy-multiplication-xWhat they call it: “Heavy Multiplication X”

What it really means:

Verizon Wireless could not reach this phone number due to an ongoing investigation. Please try again. Goodbye.

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