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U-M Study Finds Young Women Choosing To Be Sexually Disappointed Earlier In Life

In a recent study released by the University of Michigan, researchers...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Area Man Now Financially Stable, Physically Healthy Enough To Have Emotional Problems

JUST ANOTHER POTHOLE IN THE ROAD OF LIFE—Sacramento, California man...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Millions of Africans Die of Not-Ebola

SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE EVENING NEWS—Sources confirmed Monday that...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Senior Weighing Career Options As If She Won’t Soon Be Struck by Tree, Face Lifelong Paralysis

Engineering senior Desiree Parks, who is anticipated to graduate in...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Vatican Wardrobe Stylist Baffled by Church’s Waivering Stance on Homosexuality

THE WALK-IN CLOSET—Following a recent Vatican synod, Atanasio...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Star Athlete Lauded for Being Mediocre Human

DALLAS – DeMarco Murray, Dallas Cowboys running back and emerging...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Michigan Fans Long for Time When Cover-Up of Sex Crime Was Football Program’s Only Problem

In wake of the disappointing football season, Michigan football fans...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Sustainable Cannibal Only Eats Vegans

In a move that has received advanced praise from environmental...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Entire Campus Thinks It Has Shot With That Cute Girl Who Works At Bert’s

After a long night of studying for midterms in the UGLi, every single...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Woman Leaving Wax Loft Acting Like She Wasn’t Just at Wax Loft

According to witnesses on South University Avenue last Wednesday...

  • Nov 6, 2014

High Freshman Not Sure If Paranoid or Actually Awakened Ancient Evil Biding Time in East Quad

East Quad ROOM 666—Following one too many rips from his...

  • Nov 6, 2014

Area Man Not Planning to Mention Great Start-Up Idea in Conversation, But Hey, If It Comes Up

TOPEKA, KS–Area man Chad Booth announced this week that mentioning...

  • Nov 6, 2014
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