Area serial killer Larry Talarico was unable to follow through with his plan to murder four women tonight due to a “compulsive need” to organize his refrigerator and the disembodied heads that fill the shelves.
“I just don’t think I can bring myself to leave my apartment when my fridge is such a mess,” he said. “It’s practically overflowing with severed heads, and I have no place to put my milk.” Talarico went on to explain that not having a place to store his leftover human toe kebabs was “possibly the worst part of this whole affair.”
“Another nuisance is the blood stains from the freshly harvested heads. They demand constant maintenance cleaning,” he stated, handling the severed heads by the hair. “What if my family drops by? I wouldn’t dare have guests over when my fridge is constantly filthy.”
Talarico confessed that his OCD recently has been “especially intrusive,” and that he has had far less time to go out at night, lure women into his car, take them into abandoned parking garages, and brutally assault them with a machete.“I spend close to four hours everyday organizing these heads, and it really interferes with my day to day life,” he explained.
Neighbor Ralph Ziemer, who also suffers from OCD, expressed sympathy regarding Larry Talarico’s situation. “I know what it’s like for OCD to control your life. I spend 15 minutes every morning flipping the light switch, so I really understand the day-to-day burden that he carries.”