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Viewpoint: Billiards Club, You are a Bunch of Fucking Pussies. If You Got a Beef With Us, Why Don’t You Just Do Something About It? That is, Before We Do

Hey assholes—in the table games community, word spreads pretty...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Hey Dumbass, the Tooth Fairy Isn’t Real

You are such an effing dumbass. The Tooth Fairy isn’t real, you...

  • Jan 23, 2015

The Time Has Come to Make Terrorism Illegal

Here at the Every Three Weekly, it has been our policy not to taint...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Desperate New York Knicks Holding Open Tryouts to Revamp Roster

With an historically bad record and injury depleted roster, the New...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Ohio State Wins Distinction of Most Exploited Team in College Football

ARLINGTON, TX—Following Steven “Buckets” Burke, #2,...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Super Bowl XLIX: U. of Phoenix Stadium Offers Rare Job Opportunity to Recent U. of Phoenix Grads

As football fans from around the nation make their way to the...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Freshman Unsure Whether Stats 250 Super Easy, Or He Greatest Statistician Of All Time

LSA freshman Ryan Sterling, now considering majoring in Statistics,...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Roommate Luxuriating in Total, Unmitigated Control of Thermostat While You’re Gone For Weekend

Researchers at the University of Iowa’s Institute for the Study of...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Study: Strong Correlation Between Asking Questions In Lecture, Not Receiving Enough Attention In Childhood

According to a study conducted by the University of Michigan...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Professor Naively Assumes Students Have Friend In Class To Study With

Seemingly oblivious to the looks of nervousness and reluctance on the...

  • Jan 23, 2015

Experts Recommend Wearing Mittens To Protect Hands From Exposure To Flyers

THE DIAG—As winter approaches, local meteorologists have begun to...

  • Jan 23, 2015

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