WASHINGTON D.C. – Only weeks away from the beginning of his last two years in office, United States President Barack Obama announced in a press conference Tuesday morning that he had decided to ask for an “incomplete” mark on that Middle-East project he had begun in 2009.
“Look, I’ve done my best, and that’s what really matters. Shouldn’t I get some credit for what I was able to do?” The President said in the hopes that perhaps he could be granted some leniency and still earn a decent grade on his term in office. “I just think that my final score shouldn’t be weighed down by this one thing just because I wasn’t able to finish on time.”
The President elaborated that there were many factors that had hindered his ability to complete the assignment in the allotted amount of time.
“I mean it isn’t like this was the only requirement I had to fulfill!” Obama quipped. “I also had to turn in my health care reform project, and then I was busy making sure I’d still be here this semester! And how in the hell was I supposed to see ISIS coming? It’s like I try to fix one thing and it causes five more problems! Not to mention that half the guys in my group weren’t even after a good grade.”
Sources close to President Obama confirmed that the Commander-in-Chief had become very distressed over the Middle East assignment during the last two years, and that he had been considering asking for an incomplete mark as early as the Benghazi report.
“After Hillary left the team, he gave up on getting his vision into the final product at all,” said Vice President Joe Biden, who, unbeknownst to his family, had dropped out altogether and has simply been crashing at the White House for the past two years.
“If you want the truth, Barry really just wanted to withdraw and forget all about the grade,” added Biden.
At press time, sources confirmed that the President had been denied his request, and had returned to the Oval Office, casually asking if any of his staffers were willing to spare him a few “pops” of Adderall.
Originally published January 2015.