Hey assholes—in the table games community, word spreads pretty fast. A little birdy told us about how you guys have been going around and spreading lies about us and distorting the truth. Saying we spin our handles both ways? Not cool. You got a problem with us or something? What’s the deal?
Straight up. Here’s the thing. You mess with one of our members, you are messing with the wolf pack. We’re a family. And it’s a shame that we have to share the same room as you during practice, you despicable creeps. So we’re issuing a warning.
Either you all say you’re sorry, or you can face the wrath of the Michigan Foosball Club. That’s right. If you want to keep being lying shitheads, we see no other course of action than to take this into our own hands.
Let that sink in. You guys continue your little campaign of terror? We’ll put our eight-ball in your corner pocket. We’ll rack you up and then break you. We’ll let you play with a real handicap. We’ll beat the living shit out of you with pool cues. Okay, that last one wasn’t a pun, but you get the picture.
We can be gentlemen about this thing. Or we don’t have to be. So here’s the ultimatum—come to our practice next week and play some table soccer with us. Get to know the guys a little bit. And stay a little after the meeting so we can just talk things out. I think you’ll find we are pretty reasonable and chill guys.
Or, if that’s a no-go, fine. Friday. Sundown. Graffiti Alley. No blades. No faces. We can settle this once and for all.
