Democrats Still Trail GOP In Donations Made Via Travelers Checks Tucked Into Birthday Cards

In response to Democrats’ recent success in campaign finance through social media , Republicans remained adamant that they still lead Democrats in traveler’s check donations delicately placed inside birthday cards.

“We hope to find new ways to gather support from donors, whilst never forgetting our donors who, through checks, crisp $20 bills, and kind, hand-written notes we immediately discarded, raised $160 million in the last presidential election,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “Until the millions of geriatric Americans learn to use email, though, we’re still committed to our traditional means of donation collections.”

Democratic strategists, on the other hand, have reportedly sought out methods reach out to a more “mature, experienced and wise” demographic that Democrats all but forgot during the last election.

“Through simple measures like calling prospective donors on their landline phones, mailing them signed photos of candidates, and canvassing door-to-door after the local news is over, Republicans tapped into a demographic that still has checking accounts and uses VCRs,” said Democratic strategist Mitchell Berry.

Sources claim that amidst the Democrat’s focus on online donations, many constituents did indeed feel lost in the shuffle.

“My children recently bought me a cellphone, but I don’t use it much, and I certainly don’t know how to use it to give someone money,” said local republican Jeanine Updike. “I have supported democrats in the past, but I remember feeling particularly marginalized every time I saw ‘text this number to contribute to Obama’ instead of a mailing address.”

While travelers checks will continue to be Republicans’ main source for years to come, said Priebus, they will continue to collect “a few donations on the side” from multimillion-dollar Super PACs.

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