Brothers and sisters, as the only true son of the Almighty Creator, I urge you to not forget the most serious of the seven deadly sins: pride. If you’re feeling prideful, I urge you to remember how I lived as a humble, burlap-wearing carpenter. Follow my example—after all, they call me Hosanna in the Highest for a reason.
You must listen to me. If you follow my path, you will be given eternal life. And who wouldn’t want to hang out with me for an eternity? I am the savior of all humanity, you know. The Messiah. God in physical form. So remember: emulate me and stay humble.
Allow me, your Lord, to explain the concept of humility further. I ask that none of you consider yourselves to be of higher importance than anyone else. Do not excessively admire yourself. Most of all, don’t forget what I say in the Gospel of John: “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
People often forget, but pride is what caused Lucifer’s fall from Heaven. Lucifer thought he could compete with God, Ruler of the Universe, and me, King of the Jews. Let that be a lesson to you. Pride will send you straight to Hell.
I hope this clears things up, but if you’re still confused, simply turn to the Gospels. Those are four big books–the best-selling books of all time–that my fans wrote about me. For lessons on many virtues, but especially humility, study everything I say. Everything.