Fantasy of Buying Homeless Man Sandwich Enough to Suppress Area Man’s Guilt for Entire Month

Area man Carl Hammond allowed himself a warm dose of self-congratulations after a walk past a homeless man Thursday night, triggering a daydream in which Hammond gave the man his first meal in days.

Hammond reported that he passed homeless man Andrew Rickon without making eye contact, unsure of whether or not he was carrying cash. Approximately 20 yards past, however, Hammond imagined what it would have been like to stop and buy Rickon a sandwich, thus plunging the man into a spiral of guilt-suppressing fantasies in which Hammond genuinely felt the joy of giving back.

“It was pretty cool to imagine the smile on his face,” said Hammond. “I mean, it’s crazy to think how something so small can make such a big difference to a person who has nothing, even if the act is completely imaginary.”

Hammond said that the hypothetical action and Rickon’s imagined response of praising Hammond and breaking down into tears of joy warmed his heart and reminded him of how easy it is to think about helping others.

“Sure, he didn’t actually give me any food,” said Rickon, who was impressed by Hammond’s imaginary actions, “but it’s the thought that counts! The fact that he took time out of his day to briefly consider helping out a total stranger really warms my heart!”

Hammond’s fantasy reportedly continued to spiral to larger and larger degrees of self-congratulatory heroism, to the point where Hammond imagined himself becoming national news and being lauded by his coworkers, neighbors, and ex-wife.

“I’m no hero,” Hammond assured reporters at the scene. “Anyone can imagine themselves giving back to the community, even in ways that seem small. Every bit counts!”

At press time, Hammond was picturing himself starting a charity for homeless youth, while tossing the last half of his leftover Panera Italian combo into the garbage can.

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