‘If You Get Mugged Under The Engineering Arch, That Person Will One Day Be Your Murderer,’ Explains Campus Tour Guide

While giving a tour of Central Campus to prospective undergrads, Ford senior Ronald Kip provided a run-down on many U of M myths, most notably that of the fabled West Hall arch.

“Some people say it’s a University old wives’ tale, but take caution, newbies—if you’re underneath the West Hall arch with, uh, let’s say, another special person late at night—you know what I’m talking about,” Kip started. “And they come up behind you and threaten your life in order to try to steal your wallet—the story goes, that brute will one day be your killer.”

Kip energetically told the group all of the usual legends and superstitions while standing on the steps of Hatcher Graduate Library, but reportedly took a strange obsession with this more recent tall tale.

“Avoid stepping on this at all costs!” Kip said while goose-stepping toward and gesticulating at the block ‘M’ on the Diag. “You don’t want to fail your first blue book exam! Or have your future killer scope you out while you’re in plain sight, central to the Diag, approaching the West Hall arch.”

Many of the high school students and parents reported that they were taken aback by Kip’s presentation, especially since he seemed to shoehorn references to the same “upsetting” legend as the day went on.

“Despite everything, Ron gave some solid advice, I guess,” high school senior Hannah Dunstan said. “He told us if we’re coming home by ourselves late at night and are thinking about crossing through the arch, just try to get mugged somewhere else. No curse!”

Added Kip near the conclusion of the tour, “by god, if you do get mugged, above all else, try not to kiss the thief!”

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