Public health sophomore Jared Dunham believed he struck gold last night when he stumbled across an online application for a D.C. based health policy think tank while surfing the Web. After taking fifteen minutes to write out a reportedly “incredible” application, he immediately started telling friends how excited he was to be in D.C. this summer.
“This internship is going to be amazing,” said Dunham with a wide grin across his face. “I was just surfing BuzzFeed stoned last night, and when I clicked one of the ads it sent me to this think tank’s website. The deadline was coming up, so I submitted my resume immediately. I think they are really going to like my three months of retail experience and high school varsity football letter. I didn’t have time to submit a cover letter, but I think I’m a shoe-in regardless.” Dunham added that he had even signed a lease for an apartment across the street from his future job.
Dunham added that he had even signed a lease for an apartment across the street from his future job. Dunham’s closest friends report that he “will not stop carrying on” about the project he will apparently be selected to work on this summer. “We are going to be researching hospital drug administration policy, and we’ll even be working with some prominent congressmen! I’ve already got a zinger prepared for when I get to shake Debbie Stabenow’s hand.”
The Haskins Public Health Policy Institute, the organization Dunham claims will hire him, has refused to comment on his specific application, as they are too busy processing thousands of highly competitive online applications from universities across the nation. There still seem to be some concerns on Dunham’s mind about working on the project this summer.
“Since it’s unpaid, I guess I’m worried that I won’t be able to afford living expenses. D.C. is an expensive city. Luckily, I’ve emailed a coffee shop in the Dupont area and I’m expecting a job offer soon.”
As of this morning, Dunham has already told the news to his extended family, and has been discussing the possibilities of a long distance relationship with his serious girlfriend.