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Gym A Great, Terrible Place To Hit On Chicks, Say Men, Women

THAT ONE TREADMILL IN THE IM BUILDING— A recent survey of male gym...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Derek Jeter Caught Gazing Wistfully At Infield From Stadium Bleachers As Baseball Returns Without Him

Despite seemingly accomplishing everything during his illustrious...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Report: IM Basketball Player Can ‘Almost Dunk’

CCRB—Although he has consistently been described by gym teachers...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Neurotic Doctor Too Concerned with Getting Time of Death Right to Save Patient

Noting how he had failed to acknowledge the dying patient, but had...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Area Man Suddenly Realizes He Turning Into Less-Cool Version of Father

Father and elementary school teacher Keith Bauman, 33, had the...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Report: Coors Just Selling Trains Now

Citing market research that indicated consumers were more excited by...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Former Teletubby Tinky Winky Takes Shot At Laa-Laa In Brazen New Freestyle

Following the release of his mixtape last week, former Teletubby...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Congressional Progressive Rock Caucus Releases New Concept Legislation

WASHINGTON——Tired of the rigid and uninspired format of...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Campus Voices: Jim Harbaugh

  • Apr 5, 2015

NCRB Renovation Presents Exciting Prospect For Students, The Naked Elderly

The University Board of Regents have approved a $13 million grant for...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Area Goodie Two-Shoes Still Waiting At Intersection With Broken Traffic Light

Recent reports have indicated that avid rule follower Chris Wright is...

  • Apr 5, 2015

Markley Roaches Disgusted By Freshman Infestation

Nearly seven months since it began, thousands of Markley cockroaches...

  • Apr 5, 2015
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