Recent reports have indicated that avid rule follower Chris Wright is still continuing his three week-long wait at the intersection of Hill and State streets due to a malfunctioning traffic light.
“The little walking guy just isn’t showing up, and I don’t wanna be caught jaywalking, you know?” Wright said. “I mean sure, it looks safe to cross now when there are no cars coming, but you should never risk it. Safety first.”
Wright also has a history of obstinately following other rules often ignored by reportedly “normal” people. Sources confrmed that in preschool Wright “actually slept during nap time” and would “eat his vegetables without complaining.” Wright’s former middle school teachers explained Wright was also “never caught running in the halls.”
Many believe, however, that this is his most painstakingly aggravating performance of all. “I usually do the exact opposite of what the light says,” remarked local asshole Tim Riley. “Society’s norms and regulations can’t shackle me down, ” he continued. “I guess, unlike Chris, I’m just a free spirit. What a fucking pussy. I bet he even wears condoms.”
In particular, Wright’s father is quite disappointed by his law-abiding son. “He’s become such a little bitch,” Kevin Wright said. “I mean seriously, when is he gonna grow a fucking pair?”
“Maybe I should have encouraged him to experiment with drugs a little more as a kid. A couple of joints with my son could have prevented this pansy shit.”
Additionally, Quickie Burger owner Keith Ryan has recently become concerned with Wright’s handling of his bodily fluids. “He’s been standing right outside our place for the last few weeks, but every time I tell him he can use our bathroom, he gives me this selfrighteous rant about how it’s only for paying customers.