NCRB Renovation Presents Exciting Prospect For Students, the Naked Elderly

The University Board of Regents have approved a $13 million grant for a renovation of the North Campus Recreational Building (NCRB), much to the delight of fitness-minded students, as well as elderly Ann Arbor residents who show up in the locker rooms and take their clothes off.

The renovation, due to be completed in Fall 2017, will add about 18,000 square feet to the structure. Early estimates suggest exercise space will be available for over 500 students at any given time, as well as shower and sauna space for up to 30 saggy, octogenarian scrotums.

Said Regent Carl Douglas, “this should provide plenty of new spaces for students to work out and, I guess, for over-sixties to wander around aimlessly in the nude.”

“We’re really committed to making sure gym goers have a good experience,” said NCRB director Annalise Fenton. “Whether those gym goers are U of M students, or grandparents with no regard for public decency.”

The expansion plan reportedly includes a retiling of the pool and an upgraded equipment check-out system, as well as private changing rooms which will undoubtedly go unused. While Fenton confrmed that poor rules will require all swimmers to wear bathing suits, the director noted that “realistically, you’ll be lucky if they even have the courtesy to wear a Speedo.”

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