Babe, Monogamy is Just a Social Construct

I know you’re still mad at me for hooking up with that girl last weekend, and I’m really sorry for lying to you. You just gotta understand that I can’t be tied down. No man can. Sure, I agreed that we’d be exclusive, but you’ve got to realize monogamy is only a social construct, telling us we can only truly love one person.

Evolution tells us we need to go out and procreate, you know? Having sex with just one person is, like, counterintuitive to our purpose as a species. Natural selection and shit. So yeah, I understand you’re mad that I railed that chick, but let’s be honest: being in a relationship just goes against science.

Monkeys don’t stay with one partner forever. I once saw a chimp bang multiple bitches in a single afternoon at the zoo. That dude could pull. And if we come from those furry little fuckers, like, evolutionarily, then why do we have to stay with one person? I’ll tell you why. Because that’s what society says we should do. But I’m not gonna give in to social pressures, Baby. We should just be free to love everyone.

I just don’t think we’re in a position to judge other, polyamorous lifestyles and make people live a certain way. In some cultures, men can have, like, dozens of wives. I saw this thing on Real Sex where a dude’s wife let him roll in tons of poon. And you know what? She wasn’t jealous of him or those hoes. They were a couple who understood that physical expressions of love can be shared between multiple partners. We should watch Real Sex together sometime.

Basically, we should be more open. It’s just the realistic thing to do in today’s hook up culture. This is college, and it’s silly for the two of us to be tied down to each other. I love you, and I just know we’ll spend our whole lives together. I can feel it in my bones. We’re meant for each other. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have sex anymore. We should definitely still fuck. But we should also be able to fuck other people.

Or I should, at least.

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