5 Signs You Grew Up Trapped in a Bunker Under Your Garage

Ah, childhood. We all wish we could go back and do things differently, sometimes. Here are 5 signs that every bunker baby can relate to:

  1. You expect all your meals to be shoved through a hole in the wall, not handed to you on a plate! If your mac ’n’ gruel doesn’t taste like sawdust ’n’ ringworm, you’re just confused.
  1. You have multiple CDs with the sound of distant maniacal laughter on them to help you fall asleep at night. There’s nothing like hearing the muffled cackling of your captor to ease your nightly fetal position hyperventilation into nightmare-infested slumber!
  1. You can’t shake the sense that the Bad Man is always watching. The Bad Man has been incarcerated for his crimes, but it always feels like he’s just around the corner, watching, waiting.
  1. You don’t trust the sunlight. After eighteen years of subsisting on the vitamin D absorbed from your gruel, you have no use for the sun and his trickery. The sun sees all, burning his subjects with his fiery gaze.
  1. The only friend you need is inside your own mind. In a world obsessed with “social networking” and “hooking up”, you get all the contact you need through an imaginary presence you call “the Happy Lady.” The Happy Lady keeps the Bad Man away from your nightmares and colors your dreams with the sounds of silence.

 

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