Small Shred of Dignity Only Thing Standing Between Man, Purchase of Replica Battle-Axe

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Said Singleton, “It’s heavy, but it’s not too heavy.”

Sources close to Annapolis, MD man Mark Singleton report that the only thing preventing him from purchasing a $30 replica battle-axe is a minuscule shred of dignity.

Singleton was seen in a local mall carefully weighing the pros and cons of buying the imitation High Warlord’s Battle Axe from the online game World of Warcraft. Said mall patron Mary Norris, “That guy doesn’t look like he has a great deal of self-respect, but maybe just barely enough to stop himself from buying that dumb axe thing.”

“It has a great finish, but it’s definitely overpriced,” said Singleton of the battle-axe. “If it were a five dollars cheaper I would go for it, no question.”

Singleton also finds the quality of the battle-axe impressive. “Every single spike is in the right place and the handle is the right color leather too!” he said.

Singleton reportedly needs the battle-axe to fill in a space on his wall of replica weapons, but is having doubts about how it will affect his image. “Man, do I really want to be that guy?” he asked. “There’s no doubt that it would look super intimidating on my wall though…maybe I should go for it.”

“Wow, that tiny scrap of dignity might not hold up much longer,” said Norris regarding Singleton’s internal conflict. “It must be pretty strained at this point. There’s no telling how long it’s had to intervene on decisions like this.”

Dale Garner, the proprietor of the replica memorabilia shop, said, “Mark comes in here pretty frequently. Nine times out of ten he goes straight for a throwing knife or a switchblade or some other trinket, but then there are those rare times when he hesitates and walks out. It’s times like that I know that little bit of pride must be coming through.”

Garner’s intuition may be partially correct. At press time, Singleton appeared to have settled on a replica katana instead.

 

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