Hey, ’sup! Did I miss anything? Oh good, it’s only the second quarter. I got sidetracked when Lexi started throwing up at Kappa Sig. No, no, it’s fine. She didn’t eat anything this morning, so nobody really needed to clean anything up. Anyway, uh, I was—oh! God damn it Rudock! He was wide open! What the fuck?
See, here comes the replay! Number 88 is wide open and he just throws the ball away! Are you shitting me? Can we get this kid some glasses? Jesus Christ…
Ugh. Whose idea was it to make the cell service in here suck so bad? Seriously, my asshole has better service that this giant—oh come on, Harbaugh, it’s second and ten why would you run it?!
Great. We’re at third and seven. Calling it now, we’re gonna run it. No way they’re gonna trust Rudock to actually do anything. No wait, I bet it’s a screen.
Oh, he’s dropping back to pass. Okay. Shit! Darboh is open! Darboh is open! THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT HE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU COME ON! GOD, what is this, fuckin’ Pop Warner? You have to throw the ball or you get sacked! My left nut could do better than this.
At least he didn’t throw an interception. Someone get Shane Morris in here, am I right? Oh, great, flag’s on the field. Fuckin’ piece of shit refs never call the game fair. Bullshit! Bullshit! Wait, the call is against the other team? Woooo! I told you!
Oh, great! Three more tries to get an interception. Aw, fuck. It’s really fucking hot out. Goddamn, when did the sun come out. Oh wow, two run plays in a row. Real creative, Harbaugh. What, still five minutes to the half? Fuck this, I’m going home.