‘It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Humidity,’ Says Brilliant Coworker

After a considerably hot week, full-time sales associate and gifted meteorologist Allen Dickerson explained to his colleagues that the weather was so unpleasant not because of the temperature, but “in fact” because of the humidity levels.

“People always talk about how hot it is outside,” the enlightened Davidson told reporters. “Little do they know it’s not simply heat that contributes to the effects that weather has on our bodies. It’s the humidity index that really makes you sweat.”

He continued, “If it were just ‘hot’ outside, it actually wouldn’t be too unpleasant. A dry heat is nothing compared to when it’s really humid out. I mean, I’d rather be in 100 degrees dry heat than 80 with a high level of humidity. The other day, it wasn’t just hot. It was really sticky out. I just hate when people get that wrong.”

Davidson’s colleagues were reportedly awe-inspired by his profound knowledge. “I used to solely label weather as ‘hot’ or ‘cold.’ Maybe in extreme situations, I’d say ‘burning’ or ‘freezing.’ But thanks to [Davidson’s] deep understanding of weather patterns, I now know that these situations call for much more nuanced language.”

Sources report that Davidson was “very pleased” that he could clear up this common misconception for his co workers. “People confuse the heat with the humidity all the time,” said Davidson. “It actually surprises me how few people know the difference.”

At press time, Davidson was seen reminding his peers that “raining cats and dogs” is only a cliché, not to be taken literally.

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