By Diane Tsoukalas
Neil deGrasse Tyson and I have had our fair share of sexual adventures, ranging from flirty stargazing to full-on anal. And while he doesn’t always remember to wear protection, he does shout the name of a classical astronomer every time he orgasms, without fail. So here are all of my sexual encounters with Neil, ranked by how loudly he screamed that name.
5. “Oh, Johannes Kepler!”
In last place is when we slipped out of the Cosmos wrap party for a little slap and tickle and Neil loudly moaned “Oh, Johannes Kepler!” into my ear as he climaxed—almost as if he had been pretending he was fucking the legendary discoverer of the laws of planetary motion the entire time, instead of me.
4. “Sweet, sweet Copernicus!”
Second to last is when Steel Neil and I were building a baking soda volcano together and the sensuous quality of the paper mache started heating up the situation. Before I knew it, we were making love on the table and he was shouting, “Sweet sweet Copernicus!” as he came simultaneously with the volcano’s eruption.
3. “Fuck me, Tycho Brahe!”
In our third loudest sexual encounter, deGrassey and I were humping on the top of the Empire State Building after hours one night when he busted a nut and shrieked “Fuck me, Tycho Brahe!” into the endless void of the dark, night sky.
2. “Isaac Newton”
Coming in at second place is the time NDT and I were making sweet love in the shadow of the Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton at the Museum of Natural History. When he recited several laws of motion and screamed Isaac Newton’s name at the point of cumming, the sound echoed victoriously throughout every corner of the building.
Definitely the loudest Ty-Guy ever shot his load was when we boned in the zero-gravity chamber at NASA, where, when he came, his eyes rolled back in his head, and at the top of his lungs, he screamed: “GALILEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Because of the anti-sound chamber we were located in, this one was definitely the loudest.