Politics Aside, I Think We Agree We’d All Go Down on Carly Fiorina

If you’ve been following the Republican primaries, you know as well as I do that there are a lot of big characters in the race this time around. Some of us may agree with the Republican platform. Some of us may not. But if there’s one issue on which all of America can stand united, it’s that every one of us would totally go down on Carly Fiorina.

You may find her attitude towards same-sex marriage abhorrent and backwards. You might think that the former Hewlett-Packard CEO’s descriptions of Planned Parenthood are deceitful and manipulative. You could even believe that Fiorina would be the worst possible President in history. But you can’t deny her raw sexuality. Her firm yet tempting demeanor. God damn, if it doesn’t make you want to get down in between her legs and give her a good Swirly-Roundy-Round, then you’re just fucking lying.

You could be the most liberal person on the planet, but if Carly Fiorina offered to let you spell out the alphabet on her sensitive clitoris, there’s not a thing in the world that would stop you. I know it. You know it. That tight little pussy is just too fucking hot for anyone to resist.

Jesus Christ, she’s a fox. A true vixen. There’s no way around it. At the end of the day, our heart of hearts, the only thing we really want out of a candidate is to lick her pussy clean before finishing with a good old tongue jab that’ll make her squirt all over your face.

So you can vote for Donald Trump. You can put Hillary Clinton in the White House. You can do what you think is right for the country. But you’ll always be wishing Carly Fiorina would just sit on your face. And when it comes down to it, isn’t that what America is all about?

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