Area Couple Pledges to Finally Clean Sex Dungeon This Weekend

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Hilda says she prefers to use Pine-Sol on all fine woodwork.

Citing tangled whips and dusty sideboards as a growing hassle, Ann Arbor couple Jason and Hilda Paleson announced plans for a long-overdue sex dungeon cleanup this upcoming weekend.

The couple detailed plans for the cleanup, including sorting out dirty gags, reorganizing their toys, and “removing loads.”

“We’ve been meaning to do this for a while,” said Jason Paleson. “It’s just so hard to find a time to clean, though. It’s just like making your bed— what’s the point of cleaning it up if you’re just going to get it dirty again?”

“I hate doing chores, but this is a labor of love,” said Hilda Paleson. “I just got done reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up—I can’t wait to see how cleaning up the space lets us explore new parts of ourselves and each other!”

In addition to “generally getting the place in order,” the Palesons are planning an afternoon trip to Home Depot to brainstorm and look at possible refurnishings for the 22 × 28 sex dungeon.

“It’s a pretty big space, but we just aren’t making the best use of it right now,” said Hilda Paleson. “I think that if we get the right carpeting in we can maximize stability on the sex swing. I don’t want anything that’ll show stains, though, so it’s going to be a real process.”

While discussing possible renovations for the dungeon, Jason Paleson reportedly got excited over how leftover lumber from the summer deck project could be used for a new paddle shelf.

“I’ve always had a lot of wood in the room,” said Paleson. “But now it’s time to get some of that beautiful oak in there to match.”

At press time, Hilda was calling Jason to ask him to measure the dimensions of the fuck bench.

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