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Unclear Whether Student Suffering From Seasonal Affective Disorder Or Shitty Life

LSA junior William Devries recently claimed he was concerned about...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Ten-Minute Presentation On MPrint Somehow Makes It Into Hour-Long Campus Tour

Tour Guide Alex Rienks spent approximately 20 percent of his tour for...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Jill Just Happy Breakup Coincided With Adele Releasing New Album

Despite still feeling “lost” after a recent split with long-term...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Professor Performs Cross-Textual Analysis To See Who Wrote That Fucking Course Eval

After receiving anonymized course evaluations from her ENGLISH 260...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Professor Wonders Where His Black Student Was This Morning

After noticing that his 10 a.m. ASTRO 101 lecture “felt...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Friend Who Suggests Going to Strip Club Only Joking if You’re Joking

LSA sophomore Adam McDonald reported Friday that he is totally...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Local Wal-Mart Has Surprisingly Nice Bathroom

In contrast to a long and well-documented line of negative...

  • Dec 4, 2015

New Report Shows Children Under the Age of Six Who Watch Too Much Pornography Experience Negative Side Effects

According to a report released by the Children and Family Research...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Disney Parks to Rename All Rides ‘Goofy Express’

In an unprecedented business move, Disney Parks and Resorts Executive...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Rudock Sets Record for Most Passing Yards on Third Down Against Team Whose Uniforms Are Red During Odd-Numbered Year in NCAA History

At the conclusion of the regular season, Jake Rudock has set the new...

  • Dec 4, 2015

Man’s ‘Friend with Benefits’ Demands Better Benefits Package

Tacoma resident Ivan Taylor is in the midst of negotiations in his...

  • Dec 4, 2015

High School History Teacher Overstates Importance Of Monday’s Quiz, Gilded Age

U.S. History teacher Michael Banner reportedly exaggerated the impact...

  • Dec 4, 2015
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