“Unimpressed” sources reported today that, with the arrival of the winter season, the forest clearing off I-94 typically known for its “gorgeous” autumn hues and “comforting and inviting” foliage had turned “kinda shitty.”
“After seeing it in such glory during the fall, I expected it to look like one of those winter wonderland paintings once the first snow hit,” remarked area hiker Marissa Jefferson, “but instead it’s just all grey and slushy. I have to say, I’m underwhelmed.”
Local families reported a similar level of disappointment, citing that they were hoping they could “nab a real authentic Douglas fir” for Christmas, only to find a collection of dead twigs and weeds scattered on the ground.
“This grove really does outlive its use after autumn,” said park ranger Roger Klein. “In spring it just gets all muddy, and summer’s when all the mosquitos come out. And now this? Useless.”
While many agree that, for a brief period between September and November, the grove does provide a lovely place to read under a hollow nook or jump into a tall, amber-colored piles of leaves, sources report that the only things to experience right now are yellow snow and frostbite.
Several families have already begun making plans to visit next year. “No point seeing the shitshow now, said Klein, but give it a good year and it’ll be back to the glistening leaf-strewn beauty it used to be.”
At press time, locals opted for a trip to their dry, temperature-controlled local movie theatre instead.