Man’s ‘Friend with Benefits’ Demands Better Benefits Package

Tacoma resident Ivan Taylor is in the midst of negotiations in his casual relationship as his friend with benefits has claimed dissatisfaction with her current benefits package.

“I think it’s time Ivan and I discuss this,” said Taylor’s friend, Lynn Brown. “We’ve been operating under this arrangement for three months, so I do think it’s within my rights to ask for an increase in benefits at this point. I’m currently considering the possibility of going on strike in order to leverage my demands.”

According to her requested terms, Brown will be entitled to clean sheets and a bimonthly complimentary meal. Most important to the negotiations is Brown’s demand that Taylor will be required to perform an equal or greater amount of oral sex to what he receives. Taylor is expected to make a decision on whether or not he will sign this week.

Brown mentioned that she has friends who occupy the same low-level relations positions she does, but whose benefits far exceed her own.

“I know I can’t expect to get everything I want,” Brown explained. “I figured I would have to make some sacrifices in terms of commitment, attractiveness, politeness, and convenience when looking around for opportunities. But I do think I’m enough of a valued partner in this arrangement that I can make some demands regarding my benefits package.”

Citing “intrusive” late-night phone calls, Brown is also considering whether she should ask for more time off.

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