Christmas Provides Great Opportunity for Danny to Hug Hot Cousin for Too Long

Following a “disappointing” Thanksgiving during which it was discovered that Uncle Kevin took his wife and kids to be with his side of the family this year, Ann Arbor resident Danny Lurie is looking forward to Christmas Eve dinner, where he plans to embrace his older cousin Michelle for 35 seconds to a minute.

According to Lurie, he first noticed his cousin Michelle’s “amazing body” when he was entering his freshman year of high school. “Family gatherings have taken on a new importance since I committed himself to getting to know my cousins better,” he explained.

Lurie, who has been debating between a blue button-down and a grey sweater for the past twenty minutes, is excited to approach his cousin right after she takes her jacket off, but before she has a chance to sit down. “I think I’m going to go under the arms and kind of squeeze her back. Maybe sort of sway there for a while.” He later added, “I’m going to run my hands down that sweet smooth lower back area. As long as I say something like ‘Hey cuz!’ I bet I can even get away with a soft ass graze.”

Sources confirm that last year Lurie went for the overhand hug, where he held her chest against him for about 25 seconds before extending out his arms to fully take her in, then going back in for another extended embrace. Lurie intends to lay the groundwork this year by approaching his first cousin with outstretched arms from about 10 feet away.

At press time, Lurie was wondering whether is cousin will choose to wear her typical jeansand- sweater outfit, or something “with a little extra oomph.”

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