Ann Arbor resident Melody Bowman claimed to be “entirely taken aback” at the realization that being a mother of two would require not only countless stretch marks, most of her savings, and a general loss of sleep, but also a complete abstinence from peanut butter.
“Nothing in the books said I’d have to give up Reese’s,” said Bowman. “I knew motherhood would be difficult, but this kid is really asking a lot.”
Upon her youngest child’s diagnosis with a severe peanut allergy, Bowman was required to rid her home of all things containing traces of peanut, she explained.
“That’s when I realized this parenting thing would really take everything I’ve got.”
Bowman stated that she had done her best to prepare for the lifestyle changes that would come with having children.
“I knew that I’d have to give up alcohol while pregnant and that we’d have to wait a few years before taking any more camping trips,” she said. “But I really wasn’t anticipating having to ask about cross-contamination every time we go out to eat.”
“Before having the kids, my husband and I promised each other that we wouldn’t let ourselves get lost in the bustle of parenthood. We try to have bi-weekly date nights and we manage to keep in touch with all of our friends,” Bowman continued. “It’s difficult, though. So many of our single or childless friends just can’t relate to us anymore. Some of them can still eat a peanut butter sandwich without having to wash their hands 10 goddamn times.”
Still, Bowman asserts that she’s happy with her lifestyle. “I have to tell you—it really is all worth it,” she said. “When I look into my baby’s sweet eyes, I feel something that almost eclipses my love of Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Buttah.”