Whether he’s your BFF or a stranger you brought in to help pay the bills, having a full-grown zebra as a roommate can have its quirks. Here are the top 5 most annoying problems you face living with an adult zebra:
- They are not very good at communication.
It is very tough to get a full-grown zebra to open up to you. It makes it super hard to coordinate things, not to mention getting that coveted roomie bonding time. They’re very quiet and introverted. In fact, zebras don’t have the vocal cords necessary to speak at all.
- They always walk around the house naked.
Zebras may not need clothing because they have the fur necessary to stay warm in a variety of different temperatures, but nobody wants to stare at their giant, saggy genitals every time they walk into the kitchen.
- They play their country music too loud.
Not to generalize about zebras here, but they love a good country song (And who doesn’t?). Unfortunately, they love it on full volume at 11:30 p.m. on a Tuesday night when you’re trying to get some sleep.
- They eat the grass you’ve been saving in the fridge without going out to buy more.
The worst kind of roommate is the one that always eats your food. Zebras don’t always know their boundaries, especially when they find grass, shoots or shrubs in a tupperware container you thought was safe in the back of the refrigerator.
- Their mating habits are incredibly loud and last for a full two weeks.
Even if they don’t put a sock on the door, it’s obvious what the continuous ‘hee-hawing’ is during the zebra mating season. Zebras aren’t that self-aware and their loud mating rituals can drive you up the wall, becoming quite obnoxious at times. We get it: you fuck. Moving on.