Campus Day Attendee Certain of Bright Future, Frostbite

“Got to be honest,” said Butler, “Michigan didn’t look like this in the brochure.”

Upon attending his accepted students campus day, Texas resident and high school senior James Butler reported that the event left him with “toasty warm feelings of happiness on the inside and second-degree frostbite on the outside.”

“I’m really optimistic about my future at Michigan,” a shivering Butler told reporters. “Michigan has top-rated programs in the sciences, and I can see myself fitting in here nicely.”

Butler, who plans to take advantage of Michigan’s many student organizations, business programs, and student career services, is also sure to visit University Health Services on multiple occasions during his time as an undergrad due to overexposure to sub zero temperatures.

“I was told that you lose most of your body heat through your head. So I went out and bought a beanie, but I’m not really sure that was enough. Is it normal to not feel your fingers?” Butler continued.

“I’ve never really experienced such intense cold, so I wasn’t truly sure how to dress myself for the conditions,” said Butler, who was seen wearing the only long sleeve shirt in his wardrobe. “Hopefully when I come up here next year I’ll be more prepared. Honestly, I can’t imagine that it’s gonna be this cold all the time.”

At press time, Butler was buying the largest winter coat that Bivouac had in stock.

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