LSA Senior Postpones Dropping out for One More Semester

Gallagher said she plans on doing something “totally real” after graduation.

LSA senior and self-described “anti-establishmentarian” Sage Gallagher resolved this weekend that she would wait until the end of her last winter semester to finally drop out of college.

Gallagher, who recently changed her name to “Sage” as a rejection of the patriarchal implications of the name “Emily,” reportedly objects to the university education system that constantly demands that she “give a shit about pointless assignments that don’t accurately reflect intelligence.”

“Just think about, why are we even here? To have some random calculator spit out a GPA and tell us if we are good enough for the real world? It’s ridiculous, and in just a few months, I’m going to completely walk away from this senseless institution,” said Gallagher.

The senior has reportedly been threatening to drop out of college for the past three years, but the time has never been “just right” for her to abandon her regimented university lifestyle and live a “bohemian existence of freedom,” as well as move to a town where the marijuana is less expensive.

Gallagher insists, “I’m not just some slave in their collegiate system—I am a human being with free will, and I can leave whenever I want! So as soon as I finish my last semester, I’m out of here.”

“It’s time to take a stand,” said Gallagher at press time. “As soon as they send that degree to me in the mail, I’m framing it and using the same envelope to mail back my withdrawal from this university.”

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