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Elton John Only 30,000 Sequins Away From Next World Tour

With the national release of his new album, Wonderful Crazy Night,...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Schlissel Bumps Up Margin Sizes To Reach Memo Length Requirements

Falling just short of the three page minimum, Mark Schlissel was...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Student Really Sympathizing With Homeless Man’s Dog

Noting his “matted fur” and “heartbreaking look he gave” when...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Modern-Day Übermensch Achieves Sophomore Standing One Semester Early

Casting aside the shackles of earthly limits, LSA freshman Eric...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Study: Guys Who Let Girls Keep Coat in Their Rooms at Parties 100% More Likely to Have a Girl’s Coat in Their Room

The University of Michigan Institute for Social Research published a...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Sophomore Being Blatantly Ignored By One Night Stand Happy To Be Keeping It Casual

Following a Friday discussion section in Mason Hall, sophomore...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Daughter Showing Parents Around New Apartment Like She Wasn’t Just Savagely Fucked In It

Moments after brushing a pile of condoms back into her bedside table...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Local Man Enriches Self by Thoroughly Researching, Ignoring Opposing Viewpoints

In light of the upcoming presidential primaries, local man Jordan...

  • Feb 19, 2016

SAC Student Thinks Sitting Next To Girl During Screening Constitutes First Date

Screen Arts and Culture student Ian Fischer had his fingers crossed...

  • Feb 19, 2016

New Podcast To Be Compelling, Honest, Forgettable

Earlier this week, science journalist and former blogger Geneva...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Local Business Celebrates Grand Re-Closing

Local clothing boutique Lavender Petals on Main Street celebrated its...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Despite Man’s Erection, Cat Still Sitting On Lap

Reports confirmed Sunday that, despite area man Kyle Anderson’s...

  • Feb 19, 2016
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