College Loser Hopes He’ll Be Cool in Grad School

“These next six to seven years are going to be when I find myself,” said Lee.

Realizing that his college experience was marred by infrequent socializing and a lack of sex, LSA senior Timothy Lee found himself looking forward to attending graduate school in the hopes that he can “get in with the popular kids.”

“I hope grad school will be better,” Lee said. “I came into college expecting it to be like the movies. You know, like crazy foam parties and girls just dying to fuck all the time. Now it’s my last semester and I’ve slept with just one girl during my time here.”

He continued, “I wasn’t the coolest in high school, so I was really looking forward to spreading my wings in college. Little did I know it would take another few years of higher education.”

Lee, who plans on pursuing a Ph.D. in economics at UC Berkeley this fall, is ready for the opportunity to finally be able to “find [his] people” and be active on the school’s social scene.

“When I go to grad school, it will be a whole new me,” Lee said. “I won’t know anyone there—I just bought contacts, so nobody will know I used to wear glasses. Maybe I’ll leave my door open so people know I’m down to hang out, and I bet if I skip orientation other kids will recognize how cool I am.”

Lee reports he will finally be able to be comfortable in his own skin. “Graduate school is a place where girls don’t just judge you based on looks—they really care about more meaningful things like intelligence and kindness,” Lee said. “I think I’ll thrive.”

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